Let's Do This

So I have only just found out about this event that Brainstrust charity (for people suffering with brain tumours both benign and malignant) will be holding tomorrow. 

It would make me really happy if all my family, friends and followers could take the time out to donate £1 to this wonderful cause by texting the words WGBT98 £1 to 70070

I know times are hard but this is a fantastic cause and hopefully £1 wouldn't break the bank too much. 

If you can't wear grey don't worry but if you do make sure you tell all your friends why and get them in on the act also! 

So if I had known that it was going to be a 'grey' theme the hair would have been grey but I didn't so I've temporarily gone pink for now!

'

Well if you can't have pink hair when you're undergoing treatment for a brain tumour when can you?! 

And if anyone from my work is reading this, don't worry I will comply with corporate colours upon my return!

Lots of love

Gem xxx

I am

Hi BB's

So today was quite possibly one of the best meditation sessions I have attended, delivered by my wonderful tutor Carolyn. It was centred around the theme of 'I am'. We all had to write down positive 'I am' affirmations- Nothing negative it's all about the good stuff!!

Carolyn made us promise that we would use these affirmations within our personal meditations for at least 30 days. We are then going to report back how we feel afterwards so here it goes!

My 'I am' list contains:

• I am healthy
• I am alive
• I am calm
• I am positive
• I am grateful
• I am thankful
• I am happy
• I am inspired

Now what you need to do is select the affirmations which you feel are most relevant on each day and chant these in your mind whilst meditating.

The music we used today was Maya Fiennes- Kundalini Mantras- Har Hari- to achieve wealth and Sat Nam- to energise. This album can be purchased on iTunes or Spotify. It takes a while to get into it but close your eyes, take some deep breaths and start your personalised affirmations.

Give it a go. Let me know what your affirmations are and how you get on. 

PS BB's- don't forget to SUBSCRIBE to my blog if you have a Google+ account or use the tab at the top right of this page to get email alerts (if browsing via the web) so that you get my latest updates.

With love

Gem xxx 

A Handbag, A Dishwasher, A Cuddly Toy

Well in that order except the cuddly toy but we'll come on to that later...

So hello my BB's (that's my Bertie Blog Followers- That's my new name for you). I'm sorry I haven't blogged for a while but I haven't really had anything new to say. I'm still awaiting news from the hospital and it could literally be any day now. 

I didn't mention this before but I have been undergoing a second opinion for Bertie. The second opinion Neurosurgeon believes he can attempt a complete removal of the tumour, which quite frankly when I heard this news I had tears in my eyes. It's some of the best news we've had in ages! What wonderful people we have in this world who work relentlessly to try and solve these puzzles our complicated bodies throw at them! 

So what this means is we're waiting for the complex equipment that is needed for this operation before we can go ahead so that's why I say it could be any day now as I spoke with my Neurosurgeon just over a week ago and he said it would be in the next few weeks. We don't know as yet our plan for after the operation but I will update here as soon as I know. 

I've had a lovely few days spent with family. Last week I went to my meditation class (which I'm still really enjoying) and to the cinema with Carl's Mum to see 'About Time' - I would recommend this film- it had just the right amount of fun, laughter and tears and for me I enjoy a few hours of escapism! 

My mum visited this weekend and she gave me a wonderful surprise. She had bought me a lovely Mulberry handbag! I was really touched as we were sat talking a few weeks back about our wish lists and I said that I would like a Mulberry handbag and a mega luxury holiday on my wish list ;) Mum you're too cute and I love you this much (holds arms out!) xx I'll say it again- I'm very lucky that I have such great family and friends. 

Carl and I also bought a dishwasher and boy am I looking forward to no more arguments over who's turn it is to wash up! It will also be handy for me as I do get more tired at the moment than usual due to a combination of things and also for after my op it will be one less thing to worry about! Yippee! 

So I'm just awaiting the cuddly toy now! 

Xx Gem 

Emotional Rollercoaster

This is an illustration which shows how Bertie makes me feel. He tugs on my emotions. He makes me feel sad, angry, confused and bloody mad at times but he won't win. 

I've had a few moments like this over the past few days. I nearly had one of these 'moments' in Boots yesterday. Picture me, collecting my prescription- a Keane song started playing and I just came over really sad! 

My phenytoin (anti seizure medication) has been increased as my levels are still on the lower side which makes me slightly anxious as I fear the seizures so much but the fact I haven't had one for many weeks now after the first lot is good. 

Sometimes when I am out and about I bump into people who don't really know how to react or who give me the sad eyes- it's ok, I get it. It is sad...but...I'm still Gem underneath and that won't change! Never, ever, ever- promise!  

P.s Bertie Blog has had over 2000 hits now. Thank you so much for listening to my story and following my journey. 

Xx Gem 

Nothing To Report

I've had a chilled few days and another relaxing weekend. I'm not used to all this relaxing as usually I would be haring round all over the place fitting in family and friends visits but life is way slower at the moment.

I can't remember if I mentioned this before on the blog but the best way I can describe how I feel at times is like doing everything through treacle! My energy goes up and down and I can all of a sudden feel exhausted with no notice. 

I saw my lovely friend Georgia on Friday. We had a nice lunch, browsed the shops and then loads of girly gossip- just the way it should be. We picked up these cute arrow friendship bracelets too...because the only way is up! 

Georgia has also ensured I have plenty to keep me occupied whilst in hospital including a book to rival 50 Shades of Grey! Love you G! Xxx

I did briefly visit the small festival we had here called 'Ablaze'- A Festival of Fire. I'm sure many of you have noticed but the weather is awful at the moment. It felt a bit too cold to be out for me so I didn't stay long, just enough to take some pretty pictures! 

Nothing new to report on the medical front. I'm still waiting for my operation and I will be putting information on that here as soon as I can.

At times I feel like I'm just waiting and waiting, that time is standing still and that life is moving on whilst I'm stuck in this limbo (hence the clock head picture below!) but I also know that life has to go on.

On the other hand I'm getting the chance to think about and do things I would usually have put off. I'm also turning into an excellent agony aunt, counsellor, property finder and consulting decision maker! Just some of the roles I've had over the past few weeks. I like being kept busy though and I welcome any tasks I can turn my hand to.

Lots of love,

Gem xxx

Tell Me What You See

Today was my psychology assessment and overall it was quite interesting. I couldn't really sleep last night following a bad evening on Wednesday (me worrying about what may be happening at the psych assessment, ongoing fear of the operation and waiting to hear back on various things).

So I met my lovely Psychologist and allowed some students to be in the room and observe- everyone has to start somewhere and I'm happy to help! We started with an interview about how I am feeling and then the tests began...

They were fairly difficult, like an IQ test with word associations, pictures, numbers, colours, objects- you get the gist! I think I was trying so hard at some points to remember things that by the time I had to repeat anything back I had simply forgotten!

Sometimes at the moment I find it hard to find the words, stutter a bit or say the wrong thing even though I know what I want to say in my mind (wow never thought I would be short of a few words) but we think this may be stress, medication or possibly Bertie. For example I told my Psychiatrist I had lived in Sorrento but those that know me know this is inaccurate- yes it's a part of Italy but the wrong part that I lived in! I have visited Sorrento though- a very nice place for a holiday indeed!

One test which is quite fun is the colours tests I have shown below. I had to in 2 minutes repeat the words written as they appear and then second time around state the colours the words were written in...Give it a go- It's not quite as easy as you think!

Wednesday I attended my meditation class and we focused on things which centred around "Do we want the problem or the answer?" By focusing on the answer we keep ourselves positive and reserve energy. I learnt about how to get in touch with my energy (a lot of pointing my hands above my head and around the body!)

The weirdest thing happened when I moved my hands to beside my waist whilst meditating as above- I could feel a real surge of energy on my right side like my hand was being lifted (Bertie is on the left so he controls my right side and I thought that was quite interesting!) Spooky or coincidence?! 

Xx Gem 

Like A Virgin...

I told you I was spoilt this week with love and kindness.

Today my lovely friend Lucy came over and we had a lot of fun. Girly catch up, laughter, a lovely foot massage (because she is the best therapist you will meet! Bookings are a must!) some dinner and some cocktails- they were virgin of course! (Mum in case you are reading and worried I'm drinking) I can thoroughly recommend the piña colada from M&S...they were yum minus the rum! Oh get me I made a little rhyme! 

With love,

Gem 

That's What Friends Are For

So I had a quiet weekend just chilling and relaxing, the best kind of weekend for me!

I met up with Em today who presented me with an Aladdin's Cave of fun and frolics to keep me busy. This included rocky road bites, an awesome notebook which doubles up as a mood board/log of things I love and a bracelet which I must wear at all times as it has healing properties. 

We chilled in the sun on the canal, laughed, spotted a lot of dogs, canal boats and the odd canoeist! Rather them than us!

I am spoilt this week with lots of visitors penciled in and some nice activities including meditation again which I am looking forward to. 

I also want to say thank you to Carl's Mum who bought me this wonderful patisserie book to keep me busy when I'm up for creating some lovely culinary delights. She is also doing a lot of running around for me at the moment and I really appreciate this. Thank you so much xxx

I have a psychology assessment at hospital on Thursday. This is designed to give a baseline of where my cognitive and memory are at so this should be interesting- I'm sure I'll be given a diagnosis of 'completely nuts' but that's fine with me.

As a side note Candy Crush is my friend at the moment (surely that is good for the cognitive!) I hate it when you get stuck on a level- I'm only at 63 right now! 

Hope you have all had a great weekend.

Xx Gem